Sometimes its better to not know too much. Its nice to not worry and overthink and overcomplicate. simply put, hakuna matata.

its also nice to not have too many expectations. it makes surprises that much more special.

i dont get it. why couldn't you fucking yell at me before i decided to choose my fucking major in college. why couldn't you tell me you didn't believe in me, why couldn't you tell me you don't think i've got a chance in the direction im going. i would've fucking changed my decision if you yelled at me like that earlier. but no, you decide to tell me once im settled and ready to take on college. thanks, dad.

these are the times i wish i could get a second opinion from you. i really miss you. i can't fucking handle being in this house with just him anymore. i always thought that the last person i could always count on to motivate me and tell me i could do it would be him, but no. after today, i wanted to just give up on everything. this is the lowest i've felt in a long time dad. i had to go to bed and think about why i could do this and why i could prove you wrong. im gonna ignore everything you said, cus if i keep thinking about it i'm gonna go to college and fail.

this is my girlfriend. she likes dressing up like old ladies.

Don't get me wrong, I dont mind being in Chicago at all... but I miss the charm of family vacations. Whenever my dad asks if we want to go anywhere for vacation I always respond "No." and when he asks why I always tell him because I don't have anywhere I want to go... but really I just don't like the feeling of going on vacation without everyone in the family being there. It just feels too weird... and I don't know if I'll ever get over that feeling because no matter what, family vacations will never feel the same way again.

meet Chawlie Mark-Anthony III ...

i really dont like it when people are obsessed about hanging out. whenever someone just messages you asking "hey, is anything going on for tomorrow?", "hey, are you guys doing anything?" and thats ALL the conversation consists of, you feel a little used. c'mon now... really? if you're just gonna use me to find out if people made plans without informing you about it.. then obviously they didn't want to tell you about it. go ask whoever made the plans.

I don't even mind not doing anything on july 4th anymore. im fine with not being able to celebrate it with my family and friends, 'cus i hang out with them enough as it is. missing one day of celebration isnt a big deal. plus, im getting paid.

i got a cramp in a really weird part of my knee today. it was bad enough for me to get off my bike and lie down on the floor and stretch while people walked past me. that banana i ate in the morning did not help. i wish i was more flexible... im gonna start stretching more.

over my 7th and 8th grade summer, i always biked to warren park with my friend in the afternoon to play basketball. we weren't that good, but we put up a good game because we played almost everyday. we eventually got pretty good, just because we played so much, but once all of us departed to high school, i lost that motivation to play.

practice makes perfect, as i realized today. i havent played in a few months and the first thing that happened when we played against the kids at the park was get raped. it was bad, really bad. but once we left to go play with some alumni from last year, we owned. i think having a positive mindset about the game, mainly because we knew the other team wasnt that good, really helps you play better. but regardless of the other team's lack of basketball skills, we still got better, just because we had more practice.

we'll work our way up, playing basketball with people around our skill level, and challenge those guys at the basketball court again. starting tomorrow, we'll play early in the morning to get that practice in.

Today I woke up at 12:10. Yesterday was the only day i didnt wake up past noon, and it was the most energetic i've felt in the morning all summer. Im going to start waking up at 9:30, regardless of how shitty i feel in the morning. i dont like the idea of wasting my day in bed.