never again, fucking disgusting.

i'm sitting in the undergrad on a comfy chair. it's lonely down here on a friday. in chicago... lawrence and brian are going for sushi, danny is at u of c with fernando and ed, kenji is baking with serafina, tony is playing cod:mw2, and jean is on the bus to old orchard. in champaign, jon is doing laundry, greg is probably just getting out of class, mark and daphne are probably on their way to chicago too.

im here, studying for physics and working on my website. i wish i went home this weekend. i want some sushi.

nothing is that special at home anymore.

rural hicks

today one of my classes talked about diversity. we were to split up into 3 sections depending on where we lived. rural, city, or suburban. out of the 20 kids in the class, 13 were suburban, 5 were rural, and 2 were city. i was alone in that class, with another kid who went to whitney young. we were to talk about how diverse it was back at our high school and how diverse it was now. i felt homesick when i thought about all the friends i’ve made back at home, and how too much of the population here at u of i is either white or korean.

weekend back at home

didn't feel like it should've been. instead of relaxing and wasting away hours hanging out with friends... the first thing im greeted with is a list of chores to finish. i'm most productive when i'm givin little time to accomplish multiple tasks. lets see what i've accomplished this labor day weekend:

• call bestbuy and setup an appointment to get this new fridge fixed for my dad.
• buy printer ink and teach tony how to install it.
• meet up with a shady white guy at wrigley field to buy wheels only to call him back 2 minutes later and return it to him. sorry man.
• go to tom's house only to find my bikes un-assembled. fucker.
• assembled bikes.
• finally put brakes on my bike after riding a year without them. i feel like i dont need them anymore, but it still feels nice to have that extra assurance though.
• fixed the creaking sound on my seat.
• FINALLY FINISHED MY BIKE TO RIDING CONDITIONS AND IM SO SATISFIED WITH IT. this is one of the most accomplished feelings i've ever had. i spent almost 3 months on it, and seeing it come to fruition makes me smile.
• cook 5 plates of food for dinner for my sick aunts, cousin, and tony.
• washed 5 plates of food worth of pots pans plates and dishes.
• get my computer fixed (thanks A LOT, brian).
• midnight bike ride (finally.)
• get a hard drive and backed up all my important files (music, pictures, homework). feels good, man.
• got my presby check filled out.
• repacked everything in my bag.
• repacked everything in my car.
• took tony out to eat.

although i'm disappointed i couldn't simply relax over this weekend, im glad i got to finish stuff that needed to be done months ago.

being away from home so long made me realize how much i disliked ignorant chinese people when i came back for just 2 days. i don't like my house too much. i can't sleep in my bed without thinking about stuff i dont want to think about. i cant just sit around without having my dad call me every other hour pestering me about unneeded things. but i shouldn't complain, hes paying for everything. as i was driving today, i pictured myself on a motorcycle speeding down streets not caring about what could happen. and for awhile, it didn't seem that bad of an idea... only if i pay my dad back first and make sure he's living a content life with a steady income from me. it was a really comfortable feeling, thinking about having nothing to care about.

anyways.. the weekend is over. back to urbana.

the gaos?

im too far into this project to back out now. gotta finish.

day 10

i need a fucking bike.

day 1

August 11th

today was very chill.

except now i can't stop thinking about stuff i need to get done before friday.

part of the family

im glad i was able to experience this. joy yees might have been hell, but theres a certain flow that i've become part of. everything that goes on in the front of the store and behind the scenes in the kitchen meld in a harmonious and chaotic dance that serves you your mediocre food. i cant grasp why people decide to come back after eating the sub-par food... be it the smoothies, the hectic atmosphere, the "modern" look, the americanized menu, or the awesome waiters... i have so much respect for everyone that works there.

i could barely handle working weekends, but most of them work 4+ days a week. by the end of my employment, after all the hardships i went through, everybody accepted me as one of their own.. and it felt good. i wish this happened sooner cus it wouldve made things a lot easier, but better late than never.

thanks, joy yees. i'll miss you guys.

nebiuuuuu: Andy

nebiuuuuu: When do your leave for college?

ga0zilla: 15th

ga0zilla: nigga wheres my paper

note: miles from nowhere nami mun

april 3: 175
april 4: 100
april 5: 215
april 6: 125
april 7: 250
april 8: 60 (got sleepy)
april 9: rest

april 10: 100/100
april 11: 125/125
april 12: 150/150
april 13: 125/125
april 14: 150/150
april 15: rest

that was 4 months ago.

august 4th: 200
august 5th: 100
august 6th: 12x230
august 7th: 0
august 8th: 0
august 9th: 0

Sometimes its better to not know too much. Its nice to not worry and overthink and overcomplicate. simply put, hakuna matata.

its also nice to not have too many expectations. it makes surprises that much more special.

i dont get it. why couldn't you fucking yell at me before i decided to choose my fucking major in college. why couldn't you tell me you didn't believe in me, why couldn't you tell me you don't think i've got a chance in the direction im going. i would've fucking changed my decision if you yelled at me like that earlier. but no, you decide to tell me once im settled and ready to take on college. thanks, dad.

these are the times i wish i could get a second opinion from you. i really miss you. i can't fucking handle being in this house with just him anymore. i always thought that the last person i could always count on to motivate me and tell me i could do it would be him, but no. after today, i wanted to just give up on everything. this is the lowest i've felt in a long time dad. i had to go to bed and think about why i could do this and why i could prove you wrong. im gonna ignore everything you said, cus if i keep thinking about it i'm gonna go to college and fail.

this is my girlfriend. she likes dressing up like old ladies.

Don't get me wrong, I dont mind being in Chicago at all... but I miss the charm of family vacations. Whenever my dad asks if we want to go anywhere for vacation I always respond "No." and when he asks why I always tell him because I don't have anywhere I want to go... but really I just don't like the feeling of going on vacation without everyone in the family being there. It just feels too weird... and I don't know if I'll ever get over that feeling because no matter what, family vacations will never feel the same way again.

meet Chawlie Mark-Anthony III ...

i really dont like it when people are obsessed about hanging out. whenever someone just messages you asking "hey, is anything going on for tomorrow?", "hey, are you guys doing anything?" and thats ALL the conversation consists of, you feel a little used. c'mon now... really? if you're just gonna use me to find out if people made plans without informing you about it.. then obviously they didn't want to tell you about it. go ask whoever made the plans.

I don't even mind not doing anything on july 4th anymore. im fine with not being able to celebrate it with my family and friends, 'cus i hang out with them enough as it is. missing one day of celebration isnt a big deal. plus, im getting paid.

i got a cramp in a really weird part of my knee today. it was bad enough for me to get off my bike and lie down on the floor and stretch while people walked past me. that banana i ate in the morning did not help. i wish i was more flexible... im gonna start stretching more.

over my 7th and 8th grade summer, i always biked to warren park with my friend in the afternoon to play basketball. we weren't that good, but we put up a good game because we played almost everyday. we eventually got pretty good, just because we played so much, but once all of us departed to high school, i lost that motivation to play.

practice makes perfect, as i realized today. i havent played in a few months and the first thing that happened when we played against the kids at the park was get raped. it was bad, really bad. but once we left to go play with some alumni from last year, we owned. i think having a positive mindset about the game, mainly because we knew the other team wasnt that good, really helps you play better. but regardless of the other team's lack of basketball skills, we still got better, just because we had more practice.

we'll work our way up, playing basketball with people around our skill level, and challenge those guys at the basketball court again. starting tomorrow, we'll play early in the morning to get that practice in.

Today I woke up at 12:10. Yesterday was the only day i didnt wake up past noon, and it was the most energetic i've felt in the morning all summer. Im going to start waking up at 9:30, regardless of how shitty i feel in the morning. i dont like the idea of wasting my day in bed.

traffic school

I recieved my traffic safety school notice on april 8, 2009. 2 months later, i'm taking the entire "4 hour course" on the latest day possible. the 4 hour course ended up being close to around 6 hours. the repetitive clicking of the "continue" button and the obvious information being presented numbed my brain to the point where i started clicking random answer choices, getting it wrong, and then clicking the same wrong answer choice again.

thank god im done. im going to reward myself with transformers 2 tonight.

here are some pictures that i LOLed at during the online "class"..

they were the same 3 people for every example, it got so annoying

im racist

i hope i never look like that

things that have been itching at the back of my head

• my "1" key is stuck, so whenever i want to type out "?!" it usually comes out "?" .. annoying
• if you listen to music with headphones on, you should only listen to it while you're in a good mood, otherwise you'll subcounciously link bad moods to a certain song.
• i love you, chicago.
• my stomache churns whenever i think about my class schedule. im avoiding printing it out.
• ive been sick for two months.
• my foot still hurts a little.
• im missing july 4th cus im working.
• im working at joy yees, fuck.
• im not taking math or any other general education classes until spring semester, im gonna be so fucking dumb.
• i feel really uneasy.

i dont know how to justify why im working at joy yees anymore.

i just know im never working here again after i go to college.

i need sun-shine. i just want to sprawl out on the sand and sleep, and then wake up with my farmers tan magically disappeared.

forreal though, i need to get out.

happy six, mang

this is definately one of the best weeks i've had in a long long time.

fmd, manual labor

i worked 12.5 hours.

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

i stood for 12 hours straight! FUCK, and .5 hours sitting down eating lunch/dinner.

FUCK.

things to avoid at joy yees:

water (i handled the water and even i dont find it sanitary ...)

utensils (wash them! over and over again, with the unsanitary water and napkins)

everything else is okay, i guess.

things i learned BUSSING tables:

how to stand politely, hands behind my back.

how to pour water with style.

how to put away dishes efficiently.

how to set tables efficiently.

how to look busy when im not.

things i dont like:

groups of mexican kids: rude.

familys with children under the age of 5: messy as fuck.

black people: fucking complained about EVERYTHING and didnt leave jack shit for tip. jk, it was just this one family.

fat people: same as familys with children under the age of 5... messy as FUCK.

awkward couples: awkward.

things i like:

yuppy people: they leave nice tips.

overall:

my fucking boss is a pedo. i started my first day today and the boss showed me around, but put me aside here and there. a girl comes in a few hours late and its her first day too, hes all over her and shows her the ropes of EVERYTHING. fuck you, pedo. and all of my fobby waiters, they need to stop smoking, lazy fucks.

final thoughts:

fmd

I have a lot of goals this summer, but this summer's list of goals in particular require more moolah than previous summers.

heres a list of goals that don't require money, though:

• have fun
• avoid da junk foods
• work out
• hang out with my girlfriend as much as possible
• hang out with my friends as much as possible
• bike to kenosha
• photoshoots
• dance on the sly
• learn to cook gourmet meals
• read a good book @ a yuppy cafe
• go fishing at least once
• beach volleyball
• get rid of my farmers tan

more to come.

post-everything

i think today is a good day to start writing on here again.

Its over! I ended off my last entry at the beginning of the school year. I was in a frustrated position, being suspended didnt kick off the school year too well, but im glad everything went the way it did. I wouldnt change a thing.

school:

shit, 9 months passed by so quickly. it was a pain, going class to class just trying to manage. senioritis kicked in so early for me, and i stopped trying for every class. it was hard just trying to manage, but everything worked out in the end... due to the friends that kept my morale high throughout the day.

post school:

I know i'll keep in touch with my closest friends, i'm not gonna let what we went through through high school go to waste, we had the best times and we'll keep having the best times no matter what. Im really gonna miss certain teachers, but i'll definately be coming back to visit them. I dont regret anything i've done. I'm glad I got to know the people i know, im glad im close with the people im close to. I'm glad im going to UofI.

prom:

prom was nice. I got to meet my girlfriend's family, all 7 of them all at the same time. It was intense, but im glad i got to meet them wearing a suit! the hotel was nice, the dance floor couldve been bigger, but it was really nice seeing everyone wearing such fancy attire. the classiest bunch of kids ive ever seen. Having teachers standing right by the doorway was awkward as fuck, though. all in all, prom was nice.

post prom:

im surprised all of us managed to meet up at the end of prom night. It was the most annoying period of planning in my life. there were points in time where i wanted to punch people in the face repeatedly. i dont know if i wouldve preferred what transpired that night over just going home and sleeping through prom night. i guess racing down the streets to get to the beach in less than 15 minutes to beat the sunrise and lying on greg's floor listening to my friends talk made up for everything.

post post prom:

this was probably the highlight of my whole weekend. meeting my girlfriend's family at her house in wacounda. not just her immediate family, but most of her relatives too. holy fucking shit, i was so nervous. driving an hour there on a few minutes of sleep throughout the night did

not help my nervousness. singing badly to the radio with half sleeping friends was funny. by the way, danny is fucking scary when he doesnt sleep. greg is just as scary when hes half falling asleep in the back of my car at night. imagine seeing the kid from the ring sitting in the back of your car while you're driving in the middle of nowhere, thats how it felt. her house was so nice, and filipino food is really good. im glad i didnt do anything dumb at her house, cus her uncle thinks i "have good posture and carries myself nicely, and looks good" LOL. OWNAGEEE. but really, it was pretty fun at her house.

graduation is in 7 hours.